These aren't things that I'm proud of. When I realize how much I hide from the world, because I am ashamed of things that matter to me, I realize how much I am disconnecting from the world. My pleasure isn't separate from anyone else's, though when I ignore my feelings, I often let in other energy when I really need a barrier. I need to maintain my own story, so that I can navigate.
The jealousy that I feel is the ease of connecting. The jealousy that I feel is a lack of worry. The jealousy that I feel is having an identity of who I am. The jealousy that I feel is having a secure place in the world. The jealousy that I feel is being fearless. The jealousy that I feel is of making beautiful things. The jealousy that I feel is the ease of being around others. The jealousy that I feel is having a voice and a choice. The jealousy that I feel is that when I say something or do something, people actually pay attention. But then I deflect and a hide so much, out of shame. What would it be like to be unashamed? Totally open? Totally dedicated? What if I could see more connection, instead of comparison? What would it take for me to feel glad at another's fortune, instead of jealous?
Why did you take a break from blogging?
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